TV - Irreplaceable

Alone at home, lazing around after a heavy breakfast (no place left for lunch!), I decide to switch on the most amazing invention of the 21st Century, the TV. Affectionately called the "Idiot Box", it is the foremost resort of anyone dying of boredom. And my case was no different. So here I was on my sofa, like a king on his majestic throne, waiting for the channels to appear. I had already set reminders for my favourite shows, and I was in a fix. There was a knock-out tournament scheduled between them, because most of their timings clashed. And guess who had the onerous responsibility of picking the winner?

Yours truly ofcourse :-)

Agog with excitement about whether I would choose News over a Sitcom or Wrestling over a Match in Rolland Garros, I just couldn't digest what my eyes were reading. "No Signal" was the one-line text message being displayed on screen, contrary to the splash of a million colours that I had been looking forward to. I was under the impression that such a horrendous term was reserved only for your mobile phones. Damn these DTH services! First they burn such a big hole in your pocket - "Sir, we have re-allocated the Sports channels into the Sports Gold pack as part of a new scheme. You just have to pay Rs.100 extra per year".

Inspite of such frequent "scheme upgradations", they can't provide an error-free service. At the slightest instance of a gale, the service is blacked-out. After all, the huge Banyan tree on the other side of the road had survived for a whole 20 minutes before being uprooted. But couldn't that god-forsaken dish get a proper signal from the equally stupid satellite? I don't know about you, but inspite of scraping through an entire subject called "Communication Engineering", my knowledge on the topic was status-quo. How some tower on the ground could send signals to some body in the sky (which I could not see!) was way beyond my comprehension. And only recently, my younger brother clarified that SMSs in mobile phones are sent through these towers and not directly. Till then, I was used to turning my phone in the assumed direction of the receiver, or if he/she was close by, used to try and keep the phones as close as possible for quick propagation. I stand by the maxim "Ignorance is Bliss", and those around me have come to terms with that fact.

But at this moment, I was seething in anger, as my plans had been thwarted by this intervention by the weather God. After frantic calls to the DTH service provider, I was aghast to know that the service would resume only after the strong winds subsided. This inspite of my fervent pleas describing my life-and-death situation, and begging my set-top-box personally to detect the signals. But perhaps I wasn't destined to become an Idiot today. Maybe it was my fate. I fixed an appointment with my astrologer for the very next day to find out the solutions. After all, only some major planetary change would have the might to deny me the pleasures of TV viewing.

For the time being, I would have to make so with today's newspaper. And guess what day it was? Friday! I would be getting info about all the latest TV shows, gossips, etc. But would you believe it, that exact supplement was missing! Was this a deliberate ploy by some sinister forces to drive me mad by keeping me away from anything related to the TV? Conspiracy theories flew thick and fast through my already crowded head. The obvious needle of suspicion pointed towards the members of my family. They could have, in connivance with the weather God and the DTH operator, hidden the paper. Unfortnately, none of them was available to be confronted.

With nothing else at hand, I started solving the day's Sudoku. But it was not long that I began to reminisce the wonderful time I had spent in front of my cubical friend. Whether it was the incessant barrage of breaking news or the Saas-Bahu conflicts, I loved them all. I began to wonder what breaking news would be on right now? Perhaps it would read: "Filmstar XYZ gets up from sleep" or "Cricketer ABC gets engaged", etc. I was being devoid of such important bits of information. And maybe the plans hatched by Bahu A against her Saas B had met wit better success than those of Saas C against Bahu D.

Sigh, I was also missing the cricket commentators and their extraordinary insights: "The pitch will play a crucial role" or "India will look for a win here" or "Taking wickets and hitting runs is very important". I was also missing the constant drama of reality shows. But most of all, I was missing my favourite show Teletubbies. All 4 of them were so cute and cuddly that you always

forgave them for coming on screen to do nothing.

As I was lost in my memories, I heard a sound that came as music to my ears, even though it was hardly that. Big Show had decimated Hulk Hogan in the WWE title round, and was letting out a big roar. The TV had come back to life! "What a relief", I exclaimed, "This Sudoku thing was getting on my nerves". Throwing the paper aside, with only 1 number added to the existing

grid in the past half an hour, I rushed back to catch up with all the mindless but lovable things on telly. After all, our wavelengths matched :-)